June 3, 2013

Thank you for the Les Mis update. I am glad to not have to be so disappointed every time I walk by the poster from now on.. ha ha. but really, that was the best news you could have given me. haha.

also, I will be working to have the courage and the words to say to Paulo if that is his store. (its a really pretty store by the way.)

This week was interesting and great and difficult, but mostly great.

Its amazing how many different ways you have to learn to be humble. It seems sometimes like that's the only lesson we're ever learning just in a thousand different ways. Heavenly Father chips away this portion of your pride and then that portion until someday we will be ready and willing to really accept "all that the father hath" because we will have space for it in our hearts.

I didn't know if I wanted to tell this to the world, so I will put it here unedited first. Mom will understand the amazing blessing and trial of this week. We had 2 baptisms. They were of this investigator (who was found\referred to the elders before we got here by her dad) and her 8 year old daughter. She is amazing and last week she got over her hurdle of her doubts and really gained a testimony of the book of mormon. Its really been so amazing teaching her because we have been teaching with lots of members and we started out teaching with the elders and I really feel so blessed that Heavenly Father has made up the difference for my weaknesses. (my specific prayer from the last few weeks.) And that He allowed me to feel that He is happy with me. I guess as I am writing this that Heavenly Father is just showing me that He has been answering exactly MY prayers.**

**(And that's why its so important to develop righteous desires and have the desires of our hearts and our prayers be the things that we really need to be with God again and to bring about miracle in the lives of others. we need to really really really want it way deep down in our hearts.)

I prayed this week that even if no one else could see that I was doing a good job and even if I didn't gain the respect of the elders or anyone else that I would be able to feel that I had done my best and what He wanted and that Neusa would be taken care of. And that is exactly what happened and that is a way greater blessing for right now and for the rest of my life than having other people think that I am a good missionary or than a lot of other things that I have been worried about.

I will explain the story behind this a little better. We taught Neusa the rest of everything this week. Tuesday when we went by we finally were able to resolve all of her doubts about committing to baptism for sure on Saturday, except for her parents schedule (she wanted her dad to baptize her, clearly that's important). So we left Tuesday with the commitment to pray about saturday. And so monday morning I called and she said she was all good for sat. But her daughter hadn't been sitting in all of our lessons (partly because of my lack of effort to teach them both when the mom and so many doubts). So I didn't think we could teach her and have her ready for sat, and much more than that, that her mom would think she was ready for sat--she thought she needed to be more prepared. But then the ward told me wed night to call her and see if sarah wanted to get baptized so I did. Neusa didn't sound happy but she said she would ask her. then the next day (thurs) she said she wanted to, so we cancelled lots of things and called every member of the ward to try to get a ride over there before our appointment with another member's friend to try to teach sarah the first 3 lessons in 45 min... not the best atmosphere.. teaching with the spirit in a timed pressured atmosphere with an add 8 year old. But we did it and she was excited for baptism.

...

I'm including too many details and I'm going to run out of time.

...

Basically friday night we went to have the interviews the elders called me 3x to get me to get the rides set up. Then the member was late. Then we were all late to neusa's house to have the interview. Then the interviews didn't go as smoothly as we would ahve hoped (I hadn't been clear enough in going over the interview questions beforehand.) so we had to call president as we were leaving 10 at night (when we should be home at the latest) to schedule an emergency interview. (Not to mention Neusa's heart was pretty much broken to have a houseful of people she loves see her not be ready for baptism with her parents coming up from lisbon to her baptism the next morning)

Sat. morning we still didn't know about the interview. I called Pres. a second time (this was the sweet tender mercy of Heavenly Father, that He let me recognize that in that moment I was following the Spirit, that He was guiding me and that He forgives me for my shortcomings and would take care of Neusa and make sure that she had a wonderful day.) And then on top of that the elders planned the whole baptism, took care of the water, the clothes, the programs, did a musical number, took care of the baptismal fichas afterwards, and we burnt the cookies.

But in the middle of all of that Heavenly Father was able to bless me to feel and see what I said above: "I would be able to feel that I had done my best and what He wanted and that Neusa would be taken care of."

Mom you know me. You know how hard it is for me to feel like I'm not capable. to let other people do things for me. So you will understand why it was so hard for me to write down that we had two baptisms (when the elders found and taught and did pretty much everything else) and to feel ok with how things went this week. And you will see what a huge, gigantic, enormous, and incredibly important blessing it was for me to not be able to do everything and to see Heavenly Father take care of these people that I love so much and to in the process show me that He loves me and is proud of me and happy with me anyways.

And this is probably why I never tell stories... They are always way to long and unorganized.

Also I forgot to mention last week, but last week I accidently made a blind man run into a telephone pole.... sometimes the mission's rough.. haha.

but Heavenly Father loves us so, so much. I could never ever ever deny that. He has shown me again and again and again and it doesn't seem fair. .

Sorry for the lack of organization and the lack of responses to all the things you guys said to me.. But i really do love love love your emails and letters and read and soak in every word of them.

Fight the good fight. and just be good people :) Christ makes all the difference.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me."

Steph